Episode 19
#19 Post Traumatic Growth with Danielle Matthews
In this episode, Catherine invites the wonderful Danielle Matthews back to talk about "Post Traumatic Growth", what it is and how we can strive toward it after experiencing trauma. Using Asea Redox Signalling Molecules has been a huge part of Danielle's physical and spiritual recovery.
👉Asea - ASEA offers a revolutionary line of products to help you rejuvenate, restore, and retain your health and beauty.
🛒To Order : https://www.catherineedwards.life/asea/ OR Email Catherine for help on catherineedwardslife17@gmail.com OR TEXT CATHERINE HELP to Jay on +1(321)216-8047
Episode Guest:
Danielle Matthews: In June of 2012 Danielle was hit by a drunk driver and sustained a traumatic brain injury, setting her life on a different course. Her inspiring story and perspective has touched thousands around the world. Her intention is to use what she learned to impact the lives of others by educating on mindsets, technologies, and techniques that can empower them to get the most out of life.
Danielle is the co-founder of The Single Truth Podcast - with some great content coming soon!
Connect with Danielle:
Key Moments:
- [00:25] - Introduction
- [01:30] - Meet my guest
- [05:10] - Resilience
- [10:30] - Reframing fear
- [14:05] - What is post traumatic growth?
- [16:05] - The importance of support networks
- [20:20] - Labels
- [24:19] - Caregivers and family
- [30:53] - Recap and advice
- [33:45] - Connect with Danielle
Key Takeaways:
- Breaking down and experiencing hardship can lead to growth. Think of it like how we break our muscles down at the gym and they come back stronger.
- It's all about the way we reframe our thoughts and ego.
- Don't feel pressure for growth to happen straight away. It's ok to feel your emotions.
- Lack of challenge can lead to less resilience.
- Triggers can be positive reminders to push toward progression.
- Things don't happen 'to' us, they happen 'for' us.
- If you don't have a support network that "get's it", books, forums, and online or in-person groups can be a great place to find support. You don't have to go through it alone.
--
Follow me on social media:
Podcast editing and production by Momiji Media
Disclaimer: The purpose of this podcast is to keep curious and keep free. The opinions of the guests do not necessarily represent the opinions of the host and vice versa - exploring different opinions is key to growth. The content in this podcast and on this website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or veterinary advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical or veterinary advice because of something you have heard on my podcast or website.
Transcript
Trauma is very isolating because
Speaker:it's very personal.
Speaker:You feel like no one knows what I'm
Speaker:going through.
Speaker:You feel like you're in this dark
Speaker:pit.
Speaker:I did have family around me and I
Speaker:was physically supported in that
Speaker:way, but they didn't get
Speaker:it. I had a lot of people saying
Speaker:they felt bad for me and that kind
Speaker:of thing, but that actually made it
Speaker:worse because I didn't want people
Speaker:to pity me.
Speaker:I am very excited to be welcoming
Speaker:back to my podcast Danielle
Speaker:Matthews, who's an expert
Speaker:in post-traumatic growth.
Speaker:This is such an important subject
Speaker:and we'll be looking at the
Speaker:difference between post-traumatic
Speaker:stress and post-traumatic growth.
Speaker:We look at the importance of
Speaker:building resilience, accepting
Speaker:what has happened, and reframing
Speaker:challenges into looking at what we
Speaker:can learn.
Speaker:We also discuss the positive and
Speaker:negative programs of the ego
Speaker:and how fear affects people's
Speaker:ability to learn from trauma.
Speaker:Embracing self-discovery
Speaker:and learning that we're so much more
Speaker:than our thoughts.
Speaker:So I really hope you find this
Speaker:podcast very useful.
Speaker:I honestly think that we can employ
Speaker:these techniques and these lessons
Speaker:to so many areas of our lives.
Speaker:Please do let us know in the
Speaker:comments and whatever platform
Speaker:you're listening to this to your
Speaker:thoughts.
Speaker:And as always, stay curious
Speaker:and stay free.
Speaker:I am really delighted to be
Speaker:here today with a friend
Speaker:and a colleague, Danielle Matthews.
Speaker:And, you know, it's quite rare
Speaker:sometimes.
Speaker:I feel very blessed that I've got a
Speaker:lot of really good friends
Speaker:that we met in a business
Speaker:environment first and have formed a
Speaker:deep friendship because of our
Speaker:common values and common outlook on
Speaker:life.
Speaker:So Danielle fits very much into
Speaker:that category.
Speaker:And Danielle, we're going to be
Speaker:talking about something so important
Speaker:today that I think impacts every
Speaker:single person at some stage in their
Speaker:life, which is post-traumatic
Speaker:growth.
Speaker:And Danielle is a post-traumatic
Speaker:growth specialist and you're going
Speaker:to find out why in a minute.
Speaker:So thank you so much for joining me
Speaker:today, Danielle.
Speaker:And please do introduce
Speaker:yourself to my audience.
Speaker:I know some of my audience would
Speaker:have seen you when we've been
Speaker:talking about our lovely one of the
Speaker:quantum tools that we work with
Speaker:ASEA.
Speaker:But today we're really specialising
Speaker:on your expertise in post-traumatic
Speaker:growth. So please introduce
Speaker:yourself a bit about your background
Speaker:and why this is something you're so
Speaker:passionate about.
Speaker:Absolutely, Catherine.
Speaker:I'm thrilled to shine light on this.
Speaker:I think this is something that gets
Speaker:lost. A lot of people after
Speaker:trauma...
Speaker:People talk a lot about PTSD,
Speaker:post-traumatic stress disorder.
Speaker:And, you know, myself having
Speaker:gone through a brain injury and
Speaker:my life really taking a completely
Speaker:different direction, you know, I
Speaker:couldn't perform in life the way
Speaker:that I wanted to. I couldn't show up
Speaker:as the person I used to be was a
Speaker:huge trauma.
Speaker:And I went through PTSD.
Speaker:But it was interesting because it
Speaker:stimulated something different in me
Speaker:and stimulated me to have a
Speaker:different perspective, and it
Speaker:allowed me to like, pull on these
Speaker:reserves inside of myself
Speaker:that have allowed me to become
Speaker:someone that, like that old
Speaker:me doesn't even recognise and
Speaker:someone along the way, said
Speaker:"Danielle what you've experienced is
Speaker:post-traumatic growth".
Speaker:And I said, What in the world
Speaker:is that?
Speaker:I've never heard anyone talk about
Speaker:good things after trauma, right?
Speaker:We look at veterans
Speaker:coming back from war or, you know, I
Speaker:live here in Florida, there was a
Speaker:wicked hurricane that came through
Speaker:and there's a lot of people on the
Speaker:West Coast that went
Speaker:through a severe trauma.
Speaker:They lost all of their belongings.
Speaker:And I think what's interesting,
Speaker:Catherine, is collectively,
Speaker:all of us globally over the last
Speaker:several years, because of
Speaker:what went through the
Speaker:world, we collectively
Speaker:went through a trauma.
Speaker:And it was interesting because I
Speaker:had several years prior,
Speaker:gone through the brain injury and
Speaker:had learned all of this and
Speaker:had become a more resilient person.
Speaker:My perspective had changed.
Speaker:And so when this started, I thought,
Speaker:oh my gosh, I'm uniquely positioned
Speaker:to help lead people through this
Speaker:and help them understand, look, just
Speaker:because everything is shifting and
Speaker:changing externally, it doesn't mean
Speaker:that internally you have to lose
Speaker:your peace. And so I really want
Speaker:to talk about because now as we're
Speaker:coming out, the interesting thing is
Speaker:on the other side of trauma, you can
Speaker:never go back to where you were
Speaker:before. You can't unknow what you've
Speaker:gone through and I think a lot
Speaker:of people collectively right now are
Speaker:sort of trying to figure out like,
Speaker:well, who am I now?
Speaker:And what's important?
Speaker:Because things have changed, values
Speaker:have changed, friendships have
Speaker:shifted, family dynamics have
Speaker:shifted. I mean, it's been a lot,
Speaker:but a lot of people have gone
Speaker:through.
Speaker:Yeah. And I love it because the
Speaker:thing is that can be, as you've hit
Speaker:on, something really important, that
Speaker:a trauma means something different
Speaker:to everyone.
Speaker:There can be a very obvious trauma
Speaker:like you went through where you had
Speaker:a severe brain injury because you
Speaker:were hit by a drunk driver
Speaker:and overnight your life changed.
Speaker:And then they can be just like when
Speaker:we talk about stress, it can be more
Speaker:long term chronic trauma
Speaker:or stress that people go through.
Speaker:And let's start,
Speaker:if we may, with resilience, because
Speaker:resilience has been coming up a lot
Speaker:for me recently, or
Speaker:should I say more lack of resilience
Speaker:for what I'm seeing going on in the
Speaker:world. And and it's
Speaker:fascinating to see
Speaker:how this resonates
Speaker:with different people when we're
Speaker:talking about resilience, because
Speaker:obviously different generations go
Speaker:through different collective
Speaker:traumas, collective experiences,
Speaker:but what does resilience means to
Speaker:you and how important is this
Speaker:in terms of your post-traumatic
Speaker:growth?
Speaker:Well, it's everything.
Speaker:I mean, resilience is created
Speaker:through post-traumatic growth.
Speaker:It's when you take a situation and
Speaker:the way I look at it is...
Speaker:First you have to accept
Speaker:whatever has occurred has occurred
Speaker:because until you accept it, you're
Speaker:never going to find peace with it.
Speaker:Whether you're in a relationship
Speaker:that is not
Speaker:good, it's not healthy for you or
Speaker:you've been through a war and come
Speaker:out on the other side or whatever
Speaker:it might be, society as a whole
Speaker:or your individual life.
Speaker:You have to accept that this has
Speaker:occurred. And once you accept
Speaker:that, you start to be able to look
Speaker:at it and reframe it.
Speaker:And a question that I always ask
Speaker:and I always in any situation, and
Speaker:I would encourage you guys to ask
Speaker:this, this will help you reframe is
Speaker:what is this challenge making
Speaker:possible?
Speaker:What could I possibly be learning?
Speaker:Because the way I look at it, our
Speaker:soul is on a journey in this life
Speaker:to learn certain lessons.
Speaker:And unless we have challenges,
Speaker:unless we have obstacles, we're
Speaker:never going to be pushed to grow.
Speaker:Because when everything is okay,
Speaker:we don't have to pull on anything
Speaker:else, you know?
Speaker:And it's like going to the gym.
Speaker:You work out your muscle and you
Speaker:break it down and it's really
Speaker:difficult.
Speaker:But then the next day you're
Speaker:stronger and now you're able to
Speaker:lift even more, and then the next
Speaker:day you're stronger and you lift
Speaker:even more. And this is
Speaker:how you build resiliency in life.
Speaker:It's like you actually move toward
Speaker:the hard things because when you go
Speaker:through the difficult things, it
Speaker:allows you to grow.
Speaker:And when you can reframe the
Speaker:situation to go, Well, what can I
Speaker:learn here?
Speaker:And it might be, you
Speaker:know, for the people that went
Speaker:through the this natural disaster,
Speaker:the lesson might be non-attachment
Speaker:not being attached to the physical
Speaker:things of this earth and realising
Speaker:happiness, everything is within you.
Speaker:You don't actually need the physical
Speaker:items to to feel
Speaker:what you want to feel.
Speaker:And when you do that, you start
Speaker:to find meaning.
Speaker:So when you start to reframe and you
Speaker:start to look at everything
Speaker:differently, you're going to find
Speaker:meaning in what you went through.
Speaker:And I look at my accident
Speaker:now and I went through a deep
Speaker:depression. I'm not saying you're
Speaker:going to immediately experience the
Speaker:growth, like you got to go through
Speaker:it. That means all the emotion
Speaker:that comes with it, the grief, the
Speaker:loss, whatever it is.
Speaker:And each person's experience is
Speaker:going to be unique because it's it's
Speaker:going to be what you need to pull
Speaker:out of it.
Speaker:And so allow yourself to feel the
Speaker:emotions. But remember,
Speaker:if you have this question in you,
Speaker:why is this happening for me?
Speaker:You're not a victim.
Speaker:It's not happening to you.
Speaker:It literally is happening for your
Speaker:growth.
Speaker:And when you do that, you create
Speaker:this resiliency in life.
Speaker:So for me, I went
Speaker:through all of this after my brain
Speaker:injury. I wasn't able to leave my
Speaker:home. I couldn't hang out with
Speaker:people. I couldn't work.
Speaker:I mean, all of these things that
Speaker:were incredibly traumatic.
Speaker:Then you have the lockdowns that
Speaker:started and it was like people
Speaker:couldn't leave their homes, they
Speaker:couldn't hang out with friends.
Speaker:And I was going, oh my gosh, I went
Speaker:through this, except I had physical
Speaker:pain, you know, through the entire
Speaker:thing. And I remember calling
Speaker:my sister at the beginning of all of
Speaker:this. And I said to her, I said,
Speaker:"well, you kind of got it easy,
Speaker:because at least you're not feeling
Speaker:sick through all of this.
Speaker:You know, you have your help with
Speaker:you" and she just started laughing.
Speaker:And she said, "Danielle, who
Speaker:would've ever thought we'd laugh
Speaker:about your brain injury and that it
Speaker:actually made life easier for you"
Speaker:because I was resilient.
Speaker:So that whole thing, it didn't shake
Speaker:me. And that's what
Speaker:I believe. The human spirit is
Speaker:incredibly resilient.
Speaker:But if you've not been challenged,
Speaker:like if you've been handed life on a
Speaker:silver platter, it's going to be
Speaker:difficult.
Speaker:You know, a lot of times
Speaker:wealthy families, their kids
Speaker:run into addiction problems
Speaker:and, you know, issues with drugs or
Speaker:whatever it might be, because their
Speaker:parents have kind of bought away
Speaker:their problems through life.
Speaker:And so this kid has never learned
Speaker:what's within them.
Speaker:They've never learned that they have
Speaker:the capacity to handle issues
Speaker:because they've never had to.
Speaker:And so the moment there is a little
Speaker:bit of a challenge, they
Speaker:they don't have that resiliency.
Speaker:Yeah I'm so with you on that is
Speaker:it's
Speaker:it's like when you hear people who
Speaker:talk about their near-death
Speaker:experiences, they often
Speaker:come out with a completely
Speaker:different appreciation of life
Speaker:and actually often not taking
Speaker:it so seriously again.
Speaker:So there's this almost a paradox do
Speaker:you think, Danielle, where you know,
Speaker:life is so precious?
Speaker:You know, however many times we
Speaker:believe or not, everyone will have
Speaker:different belief sessions about
Speaker:whether we come back here or not.
Speaker:But, you know, life is very
Speaker:precious, but equally
Speaker:not taking it so seriously.
Speaker:You know, it's the age old
Speaker:expression that has come up a lot
Speaker:over the last few years because
Speaker:we've seen how fear can affect
Speaker:people in such a different way.
Speaker:You know, that is why it's called
Speaker:the flight, fight or
Speaker:freeze responses.
Speaker:There's very different reactions to
Speaker:fear.
Speaker:How does that play into how
Speaker:you see people coming out with
Speaker:trauma on a positive side of
Speaker:things?
Speaker:Yeah, I think that with
Speaker:post-traumatic growth you go through
Speaker:is resiliency and then you just you
Speaker:develop a new perspective, which is
Speaker:what you hit on with the near-death
Speaker:experiences.
Speaker:What I realised and I
Speaker:can speak to what it's been for me,
Speaker:but in general...
Speaker:I'll give you General first.
Speaker:A lot of people come out with a
Speaker:different appreciation for life.
Speaker:They have different relationships.
Speaker:They have a personal strength.
Speaker:And for me it was realising
Speaker:that I am connected to
Speaker:the divine.
Speaker:There is a piece of me.
Speaker:I look at myself as a spiritual
Speaker:being that's here, having
Speaker:a human experience.
Speaker:And when I look at it like that, it
Speaker:means there is a forever.
Speaker:I am eternal.
Speaker:And so what happens in this life
Speaker:in the grand scheme of the universe
Speaker:is not that big a deal.
Speaker:So I...
Speaker:A lot of times I will go into
Speaker:nature or I'll look up at the sky at
Speaker:night and that resets me.
Speaker:It just makes me remember, like,
Speaker:Daniel, you are a piece and
Speaker:you're meant to experience something
Speaker:here. Like embrace the lessons.
Speaker:Like this is about self-discovery.
Speaker:This is about learning who you are
Speaker:and the capacity you have to
Speaker:connect in with the infinite.
Speaker:Because I think we forget
Speaker:our ego because we're human.
Speaker:We have this ego mind, and
Speaker:that's the fear, Catherine.
Speaker:Like, fear is dominated
Speaker:by the ego. It's a trick of the ego
Speaker:mind. And so we have this chatter
Speaker:that we're so used to in our head
Speaker:that keeps us safe.
Speaker:A lot of times, you know, and it
Speaker:helps. It's the programming that
Speaker:helps us not have to remember how to
Speaker:drive a car or how to cook our
Speaker:favourite recipe. Like we have these
Speaker:programs that our ego mind runs,
Speaker:but sometimes they're the ones that
Speaker:are not helpful because
Speaker:it will tell you to be afraid of
Speaker:something new or to be afraid of
Speaker:getting out of your comfort zone, or
Speaker:to be afraid of a challenging
Speaker:situation or an obstacle.
Speaker:You know, it wants you to move away
Speaker:from it. And I would say that's
Speaker:one of the tricks of the ego and
Speaker:the human experience.
Speaker:And you've got to remember.
Speaker:No, no, no. Like you're more than
Speaker:your thoughts.
Speaker:And that was the biggest thing that
Speaker:I learned through my
Speaker:entire growth experience was
Speaker:that I am the Dannielle that's
Speaker:before, during and after
Speaker:every thought. Like there is a piece
Speaker:to me that is infinite, that
Speaker:is all allowing that can handle
Speaker:whatever. That's always that piece.
Speaker:And my chatty little mind
Speaker:gets in the way sometimes, and I've
Speaker:learned because of what I went
Speaker:through, I learned what that
Speaker:is. And so now I can set it aside
Speaker:and I can go, okay, if I'm feeling
Speaker:scared, it's actually probably
Speaker:something I should move towards
Speaker:because this is where the growth
Speaker:is. This is where I'm going to learn
Speaker:another lesson.
Speaker:And when you have
Speaker:this realisation that there's so
Speaker:much more, you don't take everything
Speaker:so seriously. You don't take
Speaker:yourself seriously.
Speaker:You look at life like, look, it
Speaker:could be gone tomorrow.
Speaker:Like there is no way I will ever
Speaker:unknow that fact.
Speaker:My accident happened out of nowhere.
Speaker:I was doing nothing wrong,
Speaker:you know? And this guy made a
Speaker:decision that completely impacted my
Speaker:life.
Speaker:That could happen tomorrow.
Speaker:But there's just you know, you look
Speaker:at life and you go, wow, like, you
Speaker:need to appreciate the present
Speaker:moment.
Speaker:It's... My boyfriend, he used to
Speaker:live in in Turkey and looking
Speaker:at what's going on there.
Speaker:I mean, oh, my gosh, with
Speaker:the earthquake there and everything
Speaker:that's happening, it's like you
Speaker:never know what tomorrow
Speaker:holds.
Speaker:And so if you can be present in this
Speaker:moment, you
Speaker:can release the fear around what's
Speaker:going to happen in the future,
Speaker:because you're just focussed on
Speaker:right now and knowing that you're
Speaker:connected.
Speaker:Yeah, it's it is
Speaker:so, so important.
Speaker:So, there's lots of different
Speaker:approaches to dealing
Speaker:with trauma and stress in people's
Speaker:lives.
Speaker:So before we get on to the next
Speaker:question, how do you describe what
Speaker:is post-traumatic growth?
Speaker:How would you describe that to
Speaker:people?
Speaker:I would describe post-traumatic
Speaker:growth as having gone
Speaker:through something that that shifts
Speaker:you
Speaker:at your core, whatever the trauma is
Speaker:for you, it's gonna look different.
Speaker:It might be physical
Speaker:like it was for me.
Speaker:It might be a relationship.
Speaker:It might be the loss of a loved one.
Speaker:It might be coming back from war,
Speaker:natural disaster, something
Speaker:that shifts the core of your being
Speaker:and moves you into
Speaker:a space where you
Speaker:now have to look at life
Speaker:differently.
Speaker:You gain a different perspective.
Speaker:You realise the strength you
Speaker:have within you develop
Speaker:this resiliency
Speaker:inside of you.
Speaker:You start to appreciate life
Speaker:differently.
Speaker:That's post-traumatic growth.
Speaker:It's moving through it and it's it's
Speaker:shifting the experience.
Speaker:I call it transmuting it, right?
Speaker:Changing it, using it to fuel
Speaker:something where a lot of people
Speaker:fall into getting
Speaker:stuck in the story.
Speaker:And that's where PTSD, they bounce
Speaker:around in this space.
Speaker:And I get it.
Speaker:You know, I was there and there are
Speaker:therapies. I did EMDR.
Speaker:It was incredibly helpful
Speaker:to help me release, you know, what
Speaker:was continuing to trigger me.
Speaker:And, you know, you have to deal
Speaker:with the trauma so i'm saying you
Speaker:got to move through it.
Speaker:And so there's there's a lot of
Speaker:people specialised to do that, but a
Speaker:lot of people get stuck in that
Speaker:space and they're just oscillating
Speaker:in a very low energy, a very low
Speaker:vibration, and they're constantly
Speaker:in this fight, flight, freeze
Speaker:response because of what got
Speaker:triggered. They haven't realised
Speaker:that that actually
Speaker:triggered them to try and teach
Speaker:them. It was meant to be the thing
Speaker:that pushed them into realising
Speaker:you're capable of more, you can
Speaker:handle this and well beyond.
Speaker:So I think honestly, Catherine,
Speaker:when people have a trauma
Speaker:in their life and think
Speaker:it's beautiful, I'm like, Well, you,
Speaker:you've been chosen to go to the next
Speaker:level now in your life because now
Speaker:you're having to there's
Speaker:no way to avoid it.
Speaker:Like you have to eventually take
Speaker:the test.
Speaker:Yeah, I would say trauma
Speaker:is the test.
Speaker:And when you go through it, you come
Speaker:out on the other side, you
Speaker:pass when you realise, oh,
Speaker:it was all within me.
Speaker:And then you have this resiliency,
Speaker:you have this different perspective,
Speaker:you create deeper relationships.
Speaker:You know, you look at life with,
Speaker:with fresh eyes.
Speaker:And that,
Speaker:that to me is post-traumatic growth.
Speaker:And this is what I want to shine
Speaker:light on because people get stuck in
Speaker:a story, they get stuck in the
Speaker:trauma and they don't realise it was
Speaker:happening for their benefit and
Speaker:they've got to move through it.
Speaker:And I think collectively the
Speaker:lot of people that are not sure
Speaker:because on the other side it's a
Speaker:little confusing what to do and
Speaker:where to go, but keep going
Speaker:within is what I would say and keep
Speaker:asking the questions, What am I
Speaker:supposed to learn? You know, what's
Speaker:the lesson in this for me?
Speaker:Now, this was my next question
Speaker:that you've already partly covered.
Speaker:So there's a fine line, isn't it,
Speaker:between having
Speaker:to move through and accepting that
Speaker:you've been through a trauma and you
Speaker:need to go through those stages
Speaker:of addressing that,
Speaker:but keeping yourself there and
Speaker:that resonance.
Speaker:So from what I understand, you
Speaker:had said a lot of very good support
Speaker:around you from family members
Speaker:and things to go through that page.
Speaker:Some other people and I'm thinking
Speaker:of one of my friends in particular
Speaker:went through a major, major physical
Speaker:trauma and hasn't got a lot
Speaker:of support around them.
Speaker:How important is that in terms
Speaker:of being able to move through from
Speaker:the post-traumatic stress
Speaker:to the post-traumatic growth stage?
Speaker:It's huge because it's very
Speaker:isolating and trauma is very
Speaker:isolating, I think it's very
Speaker:personal. You feel like no
Speaker:one knows what I'm going through.
Speaker:You feel like you're in this dark
Speaker:pit where, like I mean, the analogy
Speaker:I always... I feel like I was
Speaker:dropped in the middle of the woods
Speaker:by myself and there was nobody
Speaker:around. And I did have family
Speaker:around me, and I was physically
Speaker:supported in that way,
Speaker:but they didn't get it.
Speaker:So it was very difficult because
Speaker:I had a lot of people saying they
Speaker:felt bad for me and that kind of
Speaker:thing, but that actually made it
Speaker:worse because I didn't want people
Speaker:to pity me, you know,
Speaker:it didn't feel good.
Speaker:And so it's super isolating.
Speaker:And I want people to realise like
Speaker:the number of resources are amazing.
Speaker:Grab a book.
Speaker:Okay. There are like the
Speaker:book that I was given on EMDR
Speaker:actually helped to start release my
Speaker:trauma just reading it.
Speaker:And then I went to a therapist.
Speaker:Now, if you can't afford a
Speaker:therapist, that's okay.
Speaker:Start asking how can I afford it?
Speaker:Right? And the answers will come, I
Speaker:promise.
Speaker:But the other thing is there are
Speaker:groups like I went to.
Speaker:There is a trauma survivor network
Speaker:near me, and I started
Speaker:to go to these groups and I started
Speaker:to meet people.
Speaker:If you can't get out of your house,
Speaker:there are groups online.
Speaker:Get onto Facebook.
Speaker:The number of groups and communities
Speaker:on Facebook is amazing.
Speaker:If you start asking, the answers are
Speaker:going to come and there are
Speaker:specialists for every single
Speaker:situation in life.
Speaker:I ended up with a therapist that was
Speaker:just like uniquely able to
Speaker:really support me and
Speaker:I was so grateful.
Speaker:But you have to find it.
Speaker:You have to feel comfortable.
Speaker:Like the biggest thing if you're
Speaker:looking for a therapist is you've
Speaker:got to resonate with
Speaker:the individual. If you don't feel
Speaker:comfortable with that individual
Speaker:doesn't matter if they're the best
Speaker:person in the world is not going to
Speaker:work for you.
Speaker:You have to have a good relationship
Speaker:and you'll know.
Speaker:You'll definitely know.
Speaker:But don't be afraid to reach out.
Speaker:I remember...
Speaker:I started to draw after my
Speaker:accident because I was trying to
Speaker:find things that I could do.
Speaker:And I remember Catherine drawing
Speaker:this like black circle and
Speaker:then these colours that were coming
Speaker:out around it, and the colours were
Speaker:representative of all my family, but
Speaker:and my friends that had been there
Speaker:for me, but I still felt so
Speaker:isolated.
Speaker:It was like I was in this dark
Speaker:tunnel and there were people around,
Speaker:but they couldn't reach me.
Speaker:And if you've been through trauma,
Speaker:you probably know what I'm saying
Speaker:right now. But what I felt also
Speaker:was that there was something at the
Speaker:end of the tunnel and that I had
Speaker:to keep going forward.
Speaker:I just was determined to figure out,
Speaker:where is this taking me?
Speaker:What am I going to learn from this?
Speaker:And I just everyday figured out, how
Speaker:could I take one step forward?
Speaker:And you know, that that forward
Speaker:momentum eventually
Speaker:brings you where you need to go.
Speaker:And how much in your day to day life
Speaker:now. So I'm quite fascinated
Speaker:by labels actually,
Speaker:and how they can be used in a
Speaker:positive way and
Speaker:how sometimes they can be used in a
Speaker:not so positive way.
Speaker:So how does this apply to
Speaker:the trauma recovery?
Speaker:And well it's more than...
Speaker:Well we're not talking about trauma
Speaker:recovery, we're talking about trauma
Speaker:growth, about coming out
Speaker:as a person that's at
Speaker:a higher level of functioning in
Speaker:whatever that means to you than you
Speaker:were before.
Speaker:Yeah. Catherine that's it.
Speaker:And that's why I want to shine light
Speaker:on this, because where you put
Speaker:your attention, energy flows.
Speaker:And so if we put our attention on
Speaker:something like PTSD.
Speaker:Oh, that poor person.
Speaker:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker:Well, they were a victim.
Speaker:And it is
Speaker:it is not helpful
Speaker:to that individual.
Speaker:And they're going to be stuck in
Speaker:that pit for a long time.
Speaker:But if you say, wow, like
Speaker:your levelling up like this came
Speaker:into your life because you were
Speaker:ready for the challenge, what are
Speaker:you going to learn from this?
Speaker:What do you think could possibly be
Speaker:the lesson in this for you?
Speaker:And if you reframe and if we
Speaker:collectively can support people
Speaker:through that and say, no, the
Speaker:trauma like like Rumi says,
Speaker:the wound is where the light gets
Speaker:in. Yeah, like you have to
Speaker:go through it because that's
Speaker:what's going to open you up to
Speaker:all the potential inside of you.
Speaker:And that's where the lessons
Speaker:come in. And it's like if we can
Speaker:say, look, you're going to grow
Speaker:through this and you put the focus
Speaker:on that, it's going to shift that
Speaker:person's thinking.
Speaker:It can pull them out of,
Speaker:you know, feeling like the victim,
Speaker:feeling like this happened to me.
Speaker:And when you shift into, oh,
Speaker:it's happening for me,
Speaker:oh, I'm going to be learning
Speaker:something here. What in the world
Speaker:can I possibly be learning?
Speaker:That's huge.
Speaker:And I think we need to...
Speaker:That's a good label, right?
Speaker:If you're saying, oh, you're going
Speaker:through post-traumatic growth, that
Speaker:is a positive thing.
Speaker:Yeah. And that's, it's something
Speaker:called now have you ever heard
Speaker:of- it's called the Pygmalion
Speaker:effect.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Super interesting.
Speaker:Okay. So the study was done
Speaker:where they told teachers,
Speaker:Oh, we gave these kids a test.
Speaker:Like these are your - I think
Speaker:they're called spurters - like,
Speaker:these are the ones based on the test
Speaker:that, like they don't look like it,
Speaker:but they're going to be great.
Speaker:They're going to grow so much this
Speaker:year.
Speaker:And they told the teacher this, gave
Speaker:them the names.
Speaker:At the end of the year, those kids
Speaker:had spurted.
Speaker:That was the term.
Speaker:And then they told the teacher there
Speaker:was nothing different, nothing
Speaker:different about those kids on that
Speaker:test versus the other kids.
Speaker:But the reason they grew was
Speaker:because the teacher had this
Speaker:expectation.
Speaker:Well, you've got it inside of you.
Speaker:We've got to pull it out of you.
Speaker:And so they rose to that.
Speaker:Imagine if you apply that
Speaker:here to just someone that's been
Speaker:through trauma and you say you're
Speaker:going to grow through this like
Speaker:you're the chosen one.
Speaker:This is going to be amazing.
Speaker:Of course, you've got the
Speaker:resiliency. You can handle this.
Speaker:That's a very different story
Speaker:that's then going to unfold from
Speaker:there.
Speaker:It's so true.
Speaker:I mean, I do a lot of work with
Speaker:animals that have been through a lot
Speaker:of trauma, either physical or
Speaker:emotional.
Speaker:One of the biggest challenges for
Speaker:the humans in their life
Speaker:is how not to label them as such.
Speaker:So it's quite a challenge because,
Speaker:say, for example, if
Speaker:you've got a dog that has got,
Speaker:you know, fear responses that might
Speaker:come out in aggression.
Speaker:You want to warn other people
Speaker:to react to them
Speaker:without keeping the dog stuck
Speaker:there because labels can become a
Speaker:very self-fulfilling prophecy.
Speaker:So I'm constantly looking
Speaker:at how us humans can work
Speaker:to put a positive
Speaker:label on it so
Speaker:that we can make everyone safe
Speaker:in the situation without bringing
Speaker:the animal back down to that
Speaker:vibration, which isn't going to
Speaker:serve keeping it there.
Speaker:So on that note, then, talk to me
Speaker:about how when
Speaker:someone like you, you've been
Speaker:through a huge, huge experience
Speaker:of post-traumatic growth.
Speaker:What about for loved
Speaker:ones who might not have directly
Speaker:suffered the trauma
Speaker:but are obviously suffering their
Speaker:own form of trauma?
Speaker:You know, I'm a mother.
Speaker:You know, if my daughter went
Speaker:through something like you have, I
Speaker:would find that incredibly
Speaker:traumatic.
Speaker:You know, I think this is huge.
Speaker:Caregivers like
Speaker:their there needs to be a space
Speaker:for caregivers or for people
Speaker:that you know, are the parents of
Speaker:people going through things like,
Speaker:and there are support groups for
Speaker:that. It is amazing
Speaker:the when you when you start to raise
Speaker:your hand and you say, well, I'm
Speaker:going through this and I need help,
Speaker:someone else is going to say, well,
Speaker:wait a second, you know, I've been
Speaker:through that, too.
Speaker:And and you start to talk and
Speaker:you resonate.
Speaker:And it is like this beautiful
Speaker:collective support.
Speaker:You know, we're here to help one
Speaker:another. And I think as human
Speaker:beings, for some reason, we
Speaker:have started to isolate ourselves.
Speaker:We need community.
Speaker:You need that supportive structure
Speaker:around you. And so what I would say
Speaker:is reach out, you
Speaker:know, if it's a family member that's
Speaker:going through a hard time, your
Speaker:family might not be the support
Speaker:network this time.
Speaker:You might have to go outside of the
Speaker:family to get the support you need
Speaker:to then bring it into your family.
Speaker:Yeah. And then like
Speaker:Google about it or just like-
Speaker:there's so many books now, there's
Speaker:so many podcasts, there's so many
Speaker:amazing people on YouTube.
Speaker:There's examples that you can
Speaker:pull from and learn from and
Speaker:go because like as you read a book,
Speaker:it's like so much can come through
Speaker:because you're going to get the
Speaker:message you need right now
Speaker:for the situation that you're in.
Speaker:And so I would say
Speaker:to whomever that is like, again,
Speaker:you're not alone and
Speaker:it's okay to ask for help.
Speaker:I think sometimes we like,
Speaker:forget that we can ask for help.
Speaker:At least that's an issue I've had in
Speaker:my life before, I think.
Speaker:No, I got to figure this out on my
Speaker:own. Like, no, sometimes
Speaker:you need support and it's okay.
Speaker:And people love to help.
Speaker:Like, how many of us love to help
Speaker:somebody? Like, it makes us feel so
Speaker:good.
Speaker:And for some reason though, we don't
Speaker:realise like, oh, through
Speaker:asking, I'm going to actually help
Speaker:somebody else feel really good
Speaker:because they're going to be able to
Speaker:help. Like we forget
Speaker:that. It's kind of funny.
Speaker:It's so important, isn't it?
Speaker:And I think with what everyone's
Speaker:been through, you know, on,
Speaker:on whatever level that might be for
Speaker:them as individuals and their
Speaker:families or loved ones
Speaker:that asking, it's really important
Speaker:because I see a lot of frustration
Speaker:coming out, particularly in the
Speaker:online community,
Speaker:where actually that simple
Speaker:shifting and reframing the question
Speaker:about, oh, okay,
Speaker:that's interesting, where
Speaker:do I need help?
Speaker:What can I do about it can just
Speaker:change, can be a complete life
Speaker:changer for people.
Speaker:Oh, it totally can.
Speaker:I, I wrote an e-book
Speaker:kind of about this experience.
Speaker:And one of the things I talk about
Speaker:in it is that
Speaker:we have to realise that
Speaker:life is unfolding for us.
Speaker:Every situation, every
Speaker:person we come in contact with.
Speaker:And the way I view it, I had a
Speaker:mentor tell me one of my spiritual
Speaker:teachers tell me she's the analogy
Speaker:of like, it's like people are
Speaker:wearing sunglasses and
Speaker:so they've got these sunglasses on
Speaker:that are not allowing them to see
Speaker:the situation for what it is.
Speaker:But the situation has occurred
Speaker:because it's trying to trigger the
Speaker:person to realise now you've got
Speaker:these sunglasses that are making you
Speaker:feel not heard or making
Speaker:you feel like you're going to be
Speaker:abandoned or making you feel like
Speaker:you're not worth it or you're not
Speaker:good enough. And if you just
Speaker:realise that what's happening
Speaker:is for your benefit, to make you
Speaker:reflect, to make you go inside
Speaker:and go, Wait, what's going on here?
Speaker:So you can take the sunglasses off
Speaker:and you can release some of these
Speaker:limiting beliefs.
Speaker:You can learn the lessons that life
Speaker:is trying to teach you and why your
Speaker:soul is here, you know, on
Speaker:this journey of self-discovery.
Speaker:But if you don't embrace the
Speaker:challenge and see that that's why
Speaker:it's unfolding, like you'll miss it,
Speaker:or you'll just complain to everybody
Speaker:around you about, oh my gosh, you
Speaker:know, my child's going through this
Speaker:and that, it's terrible and woe is
Speaker:me. And like, no one wants to be
Speaker:around that energy.
Speaker:After a little while, like, you get
Speaker:some sympathy, you know, initially.
Speaker:But then it's like, oh my gosh,
Speaker:like, get out of the story, learn
Speaker:from it, grow from it.
Speaker:You know, you got to figure out what
Speaker:you're holding on to here.
Speaker:And I think it's a that
Speaker:analogy for me was like,
Speaker:oh, like it's just it's so helpful.
Speaker:And again, it like it adds this
Speaker:level of not taking
Speaker:life so seriously.
Speaker:When I just look at things going
Speaker:like, wait a second, like what
Speaker:sunglasses am I wearing?
Speaker:Why am I getting so upset here?
Speaker:Like, let me take them off, You know
Speaker:what's going on?
Speaker:It just it makes life a little bit
Speaker:easier to kind of move through and
Speaker:almost more like a game.
Speaker:Yeah, I love it.
Speaker:You know, I.
Speaker:I use it a lot about, you know, have
Speaker:I just picked up a heavy rucksack
Speaker:again, you know, full of bricks.
Speaker:Why don't I put it down in this
Speaker:life, I'm not a tortoise and I'm not
Speaker:a snail. I don't have to carry it
Speaker:with me.
Speaker:And I think this is really
Speaker:important. And having conversations
Speaker:like this is...
Speaker:You know, no one else can do it for
Speaker:you, can you? You've got to reach
Speaker:out. Whether you're recovering from
Speaker:an addiction, whatever the
Speaker:situation is, you have to take
Speaker:that step and reach out.
Speaker:Oh, it's so true.
Speaker:And and that's again,
Speaker:it's because you're supposed to grow
Speaker:like you have to take the test.
Speaker:And only you can take the test.
Speaker:Like you're the one that has to go
Speaker:through it and come out on the other
Speaker:side. And
Speaker:then you'll realise how many other
Speaker:people have been through it and you
Speaker:can like, you know, share stories
Speaker:and swap stories about, wow.
Speaker:Like I went through that and this
Speaker:and I thought, oh my gosh, you had a
Speaker:similar thing it's amazing.
Speaker:And I'm laughing, Catherine, because
Speaker:what you just said about the
Speaker:tortoise and carrying stuff, I have
Speaker:a really good friend.
Speaker:His name is Bob Simon.
Speaker:He's an incredible musician.
Speaker:I think he's just now about to
Speaker:release his 10th album and he
Speaker:he just intuits down lyrics
Speaker:and they are so
Speaker:deep and so impactful.
Speaker:And he has this one song
Speaker:and one of the lines in it says...
Speaker:Let me think about it real quick.
Speaker:It was "these mountains
Speaker:that you carry on your back
Speaker:you were only supposed to climb".
Speaker:And it's this beautiful song about
Speaker:exactly what you said.
Speaker:Like, we just we take these burdens
Speaker:and we carry them and they make us,
Speaker:like, feel just stressed
Speaker:out and overwhelmed when the reality
Speaker:was, no, you were just supposed to,
Speaker:like, climb the mountain to realise
Speaker:you could and to get
Speaker:stronger as you go up it, not
Speaker:to bring the baggage with you,
Speaker:like, leave that behind.
Speaker:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker:So in terms of
Speaker:if someone's feeling that they've
Speaker:been through trauma or loved one,
Speaker:let's just recap some of the main
Speaker:advice that you would like to give
Speaker:them about what next?
Speaker:So I would begin
Speaker:that Pygmalion effect.
Speaker:I would help the person.
Speaker:Handle whatever emotions.
Speaker:If you need a professional or you
Speaker:need to, you know, integrate some
Speaker:self-care or meditation.
Speaker:Figure out what's going to be
Speaker:supportive, get through the
Speaker:emotional stuff, but continue
Speaker:to help reframe it for the person
Speaker:and continue to shine the light on.
Speaker:Wow. Like you're going to go through
Speaker:some beautiful growth here.
Speaker:Like, there's something beautiful
Speaker:that's coming out of out of this.
Speaker:You know, there's going to be a
Speaker:phoenix rising from the ashes here.
Speaker:And, you know, doors are closing,
Speaker:but another one's opening.
Speaker:I wonder where it's going to take
Speaker:you. And allowing
Speaker:the the focus to be on
Speaker:that, not, oh, I feel so
Speaker:bad for you.
Speaker:And yeah, it's not fair and you
Speaker:didn't deserve that.
Speaker:Like, that's not productive.
Speaker:It's not going to get anybody
Speaker:anywhere.
Speaker:There's a beautiful...
Speaker:It's a Japanese tradition.
Speaker:I might mess up how they pronounce
Speaker:it, but it's called Kintsugi.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And it's so
Speaker:when pottery breaks,
Speaker:they, they repair it with gold.
Speaker:And it's like that to
Speaker:me is like that's, that's
Speaker:post-traumatic growth.
Speaker:But that is.
Speaker:Wow, Yes, we break
Speaker:but we come back stronger,
Speaker:more beautiful, better for it.
Speaker:All right. And you have this
Speaker:this beauty that you would not have
Speaker:been able to have unless
Speaker:you had broken, you know, the
Speaker:wounds were the like it's in.
Speaker:Right. It's just I think
Speaker:if you can help
Speaker:whomever see that.
Speaker:You're going to be supporting them
Speaker:in a major way and not
Speaker:kind of getting down into the pit
Speaker:with them and going, Oh, I feel so
Speaker:bad for you because now you're both
Speaker:down in the pit.
Speaker:You stand on the outside and say,
Speaker:Wow, like it's going to be beautiful
Speaker:when you come through this.
Speaker:Like, keep climbing up like I see
Speaker:the sun. You're going to see the sun
Speaker:soon, too.
Speaker:It's going to be more helpful when
Speaker:if it's you that's going through it.
Speaker:Listen to this again and again.
Speaker:Ask yourself, reflect what you can
Speaker:learn. Seek out the support that you
Speaker:need. You know, you're not alone.
Speaker:I know it feels lonely, but you're
Speaker:definitely not alone.
Speaker:Yeah, I think that's so important.
Speaker:But because by by encouraging
Speaker:people to see the growth, you're not
Speaker:just diminishing the fact that they
Speaker:are really going through something.
Speaker:You're just not keeping them in that
Speaker:place of, you know, you're
Speaker:acknowledging it but not suppressing
Speaker:them down there.
Speaker:So, so important.
Speaker:And this applies to, you know,
Speaker:people that have got animals in
Speaker:their lives that have been through
Speaker:trauma as well.
Speaker:I absolutely love it so many
Speaker:questions as well.
Speaker:So perhaps we could do a part two on
Speaker:this.
Speaker:I really encourage anyone who's
Speaker:listening to this, please ask your
Speaker:questions below, because both
Speaker:Danielle and I will be keeping an
Speaker:eye on those.
Speaker:But Danielle, so how can people
Speaker:find you?
Speaker:Tell us about your website, how they
Speaker:can connect with you.
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:Easiest way is on Instagram.
Speaker:It's just my name. Danielle Mathews
Speaker:we'll put the link below.
Speaker:There's an underscore on either
Speaker:side. But I'm always sharing there.
Speaker:Tips, strategies daily
Speaker:to help with this sort of thing, to
Speaker:help people grow and keep the light,
Speaker:the light shining on that.
Speaker:And if you're interested in
Speaker:the e-book I mentioned or connecting
Speaker:in, I've got meditations, other
Speaker:things, the link in my Instagram bio
Speaker:will take you there, or my website
Speaker:is BrainBodySelf.com
Speaker:and everything I put out
Speaker:guys, the intention is just that it
Speaker:reaches those that need it
Speaker:to help you on the path.
Speaker:Because I walked it and I wish
Speaker:I had had somebody sooner tell me
Speaker:about the growth piece of what I was
Speaker:going through. I wouldn't have felt
Speaker:so alone and out in the woods.
Speaker:But I know that through the struggle
Speaker:you become stronger and if you don't
Speaker:suffer, you'll never have the
Speaker:self-discovery.
Speaker:So I'd love to
Speaker:love to connect with you.
Speaker:And if you need anything, just reach
Speaker:out. I'd be happy to answer
Speaker:questions or support in whatever way
Speaker:I can.
Speaker:I absolutely love it.
Speaker:Thank you so, so much.
Speaker:I'm sure we'll be back for a part
Speaker:two. Let us know your questions
Speaker:and comments and shared experiences.
Speaker:What has helped you below?
Speaker:That's really important to share
Speaker:because you never know, that one
Speaker:person that just might need what you
Speaker:share might just be looking.
