Episode 19

#19 Post Traumatic Growth with Danielle Matthews

In this episode, Catherine invites the wonderful Danielle Matthews back to talk about "Post Traumatic Growth", what it is and how we can strive toward it after experiencing trauma. Using Asea Redox Signalling Molecules has been a huge part of Danielle's physical and spiritual recovery.

👉Asea - ASEA offers a revolutionary line of products to help you rejuvenate, restore, and retain your health and beauty.

🛒To Order : https://www.catherineedwards.life/asea/ OR Email Catherine for help on catherineedwardslife17@gmail.com OR TEXT CATHERINE HELP to Jay on +1(321)216-8047

Episode Guest:

Danielle Matthews: In June of 2012 Danielle was hit by a drunk driver and sustained a traumatic brain injury, setting her life on a different course. Her inspiring story and perspective has touched thousands around the world. Her intention is to use what she learned to impact the lives of others by educating on mindsets, technologies, and techniques that can empower them to get the most out of life.

Danielle is the co-founder of The Single Truth Podcast - with some great content coming soon! 

Connect with Danielle:

Podcast

Website

Email

Instagram

Key Moments:

  • [00:25] - Introduction 
  • [01:30] - Meet my guest
  • [05:10] - Resilience
  • [10:30] - Reframing fear
  • [14:05] - What is post traumatic growth?
  • [16:05] - The importance of support networks
  • [20:20] - Labels
  • [24:19] - Caregivers and family
  • [30:53] - Recap and advice
  • [33:45] - Connect with Danielle

Key Takeaways:

  • Breaking down and experiencing hardship can lead to growth. Think of it like how we break our muscles down at the gym and they come back stronger.
  • It's all about the way we reframe our thoughts and ego.
  • Don't feel pressure for growth to happen straight away. It's ok to feel your emotions.
  • Lack of challenge can lead to less resilience.
  • Triggers can be positive reminders to push toward progression.
  • Things don't happen 'to' us, they happen 'for' us.
  • If you don't have a support network that "get's it", books, forums, and online or in-person groups can be a great place to find support. You don't have to go through it alone.

--

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Podcast editing and production by Momiji Media

Disclaimer: The purpose of this podcast is to keep curious and keep free. The opinions of the guests do not necessarily represent the opinions of the host and vice versa - exploring different opinions is key to growth. The content in this podcast and on this website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or veterinary advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical or veterinary advice because of something you have heard on my podcast or website.

Transcript
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Trauma is very isolating because

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it's very personal.

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You feel like no one knows what I'm

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going through.

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You feel like you're in this dark

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pit.

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I did have family around me and I

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was physically supported in that

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way, but they didn't get

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it. I had a lot of people saying

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they felt bad for me and that kind

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of thing, but that actually made it

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worse because I didn't want people

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to pity me.

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I am very excited to be welcoming

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back to my podcast Danielle

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Matthews, who's an expert

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in post-traumatic growth.

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This is such an important subject

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and we'll be looking at the

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difference between post-traumatic

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stress and post-traumatic growth.

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We look at the importance of

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building resilience, accepting

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what has happened, and reframing

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challenges into looking at what we

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can learn.

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We also discuss the positive and

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negative programs of the ego

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and how fear affects people's

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ability to learn from trauma.

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Embracing self-discovery

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and learning that we're so much more

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than our thoughts.

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So I really hope you find this

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podcast very useful.

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I honestly think that we can employ

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these techniques and these lessons

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to so many areas of our lives.

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Please do let us know in the

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comments and whatever platform

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you're listening to this to your

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thoughts.

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And as always, stay curious

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and stay free.

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I am really delighted to be

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here today with a friend

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and a colleague, Danielle Matthews.

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And, you know, it's quite rare

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sometimes.

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I feel very blessed that I've got a

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lot of really good friends

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that we met in a business

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environment first and have formed a

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deep friendship because of our

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common values and common outlook on

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life.

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So Danielle fits very much into

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that category.

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And Danielle, we're going to be

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talking about something so important

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today that I think impacts every

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single person at some stage in their

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life, which is post-traumatic

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growth.

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And Danielle is a post-traumatic

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growth specialist and you're going

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to find out why in a minute.

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So thank you so much for joining me

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today, Danielle.

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And please do introduce

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yourself to my audience.

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I know some of my audience would

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have seen you when we've been

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talking about our lovely one of the

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quantum tools that we work with

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ASEA.

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But today we're really specialising

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on your expertise in post-traumatic

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growth. So please introduce

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yourself a bit about your background

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and why this is something you're so

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passionate about.

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Absolutely, Catherine.

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I'm thrilled to shine light on this.

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I think this is something that gets

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lost. A lot of people after

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trauma...

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People talk a lot about PTSD,

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post-traumatic stress disorder.

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And, you know, myself having

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gone through a brain injury and

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my life really taking a completely

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different direction, you know, I

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couldn't perform in life the way

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that I wanted to. I couldn't show up

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as the person I used to be was a

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huge trauma.

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And I went through PTSD.

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But it was interesting because it

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stimulated something different in me

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and stimulated me to have a

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different perspective, and it

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allowed me to like, pull on these

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reserves inside of myself

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that have allowed me to become

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someone that, like that old

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me doesn't even recognise and

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someone along the way, said

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"Danielle what you've experienced is

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post-traumatic growth".

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And I said, What in the world

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is that?

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I've never heard anyone talk about

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good things after trauma, right?

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We look at veterans

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coming back from war or, you know, I

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live here in Florida, there was a

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wicked hurricane that came through

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and there's a lot of people on the

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West Coast that went

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through a severe trauma.

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They lost all of their belongings.

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And I think what's interesting,

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Catherine, is collectively,

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all of us globally over the last

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several years, because of

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what went through the

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world, we collectively

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went through a trauma.

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And it was interesting because I

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had several years prior,

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gone through the brain injury and

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had learned all of this and

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had become a more resilient person.

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My perspective had changed.

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And so when this started, I thought,

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oh my gosh, I'm uniquely positioned

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to help lead people through this

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and help them understand, look, just

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because everything is shifting and

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changing externally, it doesn't mean

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that internally you have to lose

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your peace. And so I really want

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to talk about because now as we're

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coming out, the interesting thing is

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on the other side of trauma, you can

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never go back to where you were

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before. You can't unknow what you've

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gone through and I think a lot

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of people collectively right now are

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sort of trying to figure out like,

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well, who am I now?

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And what's important?

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Because things have changed, values

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have changed, friendships have

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shifted, family dynamics have

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shifted. I mean, it's been a lot,

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but a lot of people have gone

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through.

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Yeah. And I love it because the

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thing is that can be, as you've hit

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on, something really important, that

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a trauma means something different

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to everyone.

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There can be a very obvious trauma

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like you went through where you had

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a severe brain injury because you

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were hit by a drunk driver

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and overnight your life changed.

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And then they can be just like when

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we talk about stress, it can be more

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long term chronic trauma

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or stress that people go through.

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And let's start,

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if we may, with resilience, because

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resilience has been coming up a lot

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for me recently, or

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should I say more lack of resilience

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for what I'm seeing going on in the

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world. And and it's

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fascinating to see

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how this resonates

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with different people when we're

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talking about resilience, because

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obviously different generations go

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through different collective

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traumas, collective experiences,

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but what does resilience means to

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you and how important is this

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in terms of your post-traumatic

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growth?

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Well, it's everything.

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I mean, resilience is created

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through post-traumatic growth.

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It's when you take a situation and

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the way I look at it is...

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First you have to accept

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whatever has occurred has occurred

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because until you accept it, you're

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never going to find peace with it.

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Whether you're in a relationship

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that is not

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good, it's not healthy for you or

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you've been through a war and come

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out on the other side or whatever

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it might be, society as a whole

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or your individual life.

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You have to accept that this has

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occurred. And once you accept

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that, you start to be able to look

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at it and reframe it.

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And a question that I always ask

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and I always in any situation, and

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I would encourage you guys to ask

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this, this will help you reframe is

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what is this challenge making

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possible?

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What could I possibly be learning?

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Because the way I look at it, our

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soul is on a journey in this life

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to learn certain lessons.

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And unless we have challenges,

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unless we have obstacles, we're

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never going to be pushed to grow.

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Because when everything is okay,

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we don't have to pull on anything

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else, you know?

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And it's like going to the gym.

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You work out your muscle and you

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break it down and it's really

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difficult.

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But then the next day you're

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stronger and now you're able to

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lift even more, and then the next

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day you're stronger and you lift

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even more. And this is

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how you build resiliency in life.

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It's like you actually move toward

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the hard things because when you go

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through the difficult things, it

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allows you to grow.

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And when you can reframe the

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situation to go, Well, what can I

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learn here?

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And it might be, you

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know, for the people that went

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through the this natural disaster,

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the lesson might be non-attachment

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not being attached to the physical

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things of this earth and realising

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happiness, everything is within you.

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You don't actually need the physical

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items to to feel

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what you want to feel.

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And when you do that, you start

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to find meaning.

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So when you start to reframe and you

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start to look at everything

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differently, you're going to find

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meaning in what you went through.

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And I look at my accident

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now and I went through a deep

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depression. I'm not saying you're

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going to immediately experience the

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growth, like you got to go through

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it. That means all the emotion

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that comes with it, the grief, the

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loss, whatever it is.

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And each person's experience is

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going to be unique because it's it's

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going to be what you need to pull

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out of it.

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And so allow yourself to feel the

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emotions. But remember,

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if you have this question in you,

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why is this happening for me?

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You're not a victim.

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It's not happening to you.

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It literally is happening for your

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growth.

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And when you do that, you create

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this resiliency in life.

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So for me, I went

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through all of this after my brain

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injury. I wasn't able to leave my

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home. I couldn't hang out with

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people. I couldn't work.

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I mean, all of these things that

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were incredibly traumatic.

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Then you have the lockdowns that

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started and it was like people

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couldn't leave their homes, they

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couldn't hang out with friends.

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And I was going, oh my gosh, I went

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through this, except I had physical

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pain, you know, through the entire

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thing. And I remember calling

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my sister at the beginning of all of

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this. And I said to her, I said,

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"well, you kind of got it easy,

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because at least you're not feeling

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sick through all of this.

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You know, you have your help with

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you" and she just started laughing.

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And she said, "Danielle, who

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would've ever thought we'd laugh

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about your brain injury and that it

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actually made life easier for you"

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because I was resilient.

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So that whole thing, it didn't shake

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me. And that's what

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I believe. The human spirit is

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incredibly resilient.

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But if you've not been challenged,

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like if you've been handed life on a

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silver platter, it's going to be

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difficult.

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You know, a lot of times

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wealthy families, their kids

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run into addiction problems

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and, you know, issues with drugs or

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whatever it might be, because their

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parents have kind of bought away

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their problems through life.

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And so this kid has never learned

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what's within them.

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They've never learned that they have

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the capacity to handle issues

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because they've never had to.

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And so the moment there is a little

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bit of a challenge, they

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they don't have that resiliency.

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Yeah I'm so with you on that is

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it's

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it's like when you hear people who

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talk about their near-death

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experiences, they often

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come out with a completely

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different appreciation of life

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and actually often not taking

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it so seriously again.

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So there's this almost a paradox do

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you think, Danielle, where you know,

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life is so precious?

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You know, however many times we

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believe or not, everyone will have

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different belief sessions about

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whether we come back here or not.

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But, you know, life is very

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precious, but equally

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not taking it so seriously.

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You know, it's the age old

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expression that has come up a lot

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over the last few years because

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we've seen how fear can affect

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people in such a different way.

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You know, that is why it's called

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the flight, fight or

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freeze responses.

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There's very different reactions to

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fear.

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How does that play into how

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you see people coming out with

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trauma on a positive side of

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things?

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Yeah, I think that with

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post-traumatic growth you go through

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is resiliency and then you just you

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develop a new perspective, which is

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what you hit on with the near-death

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experiences.

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What I realised and I

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can speak to what it's been for me,

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but in general...

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I'll give you General first.

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A lot of people come out with a

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different appreciation for life.

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They have different relationships.

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They have a personal strength.

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And for me it was realising

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that I am connected to

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the divine.

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There is a piece of me.

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I look at myself as a spiritual

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being that's here, having

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a human experience.

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And when I look at it like that, it

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means there is a forever.

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I am eternal.

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And so what happens in this life

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in the grand scheme of the universe

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is not that big a deal.

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So I...

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A lot of times I will go into

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nature or I'll look up at the sky at

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night and that resets me.

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It just makes me remember, like,

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Daniel, you are a piece and

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you're meant to experience something

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here. Like embrace the lessons.

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Like this is about self-discovery.

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This is about learning who you are

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and the capacity you have to

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connect in with the infinite.

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Because I think we forget

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our ego because we're human.

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We have this ego mind, and

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that's the fear, Catherine.

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Like, fear is dominated

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by the ego. It's a trick of the ego

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mind. And so we have this chatter

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that we're so used to in our head

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that keeps us safe.

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A lot of times, you know, and it

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helps. It's the programming that

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helps us not have to remember how to

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drive a car or how to cook our

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favourite recipe. Like we have these

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programs that our ego mind runs,

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but sometimes they're the ones that

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are not helpful because

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it will tell you to be afraid of

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something new or to be afraid of

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getting out of your comfort zone, or

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to be afraid of a challenging

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situation or an obstacle.

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You know, it wants you to move away

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from it. And I would say that's

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one of the tricks of the ego and

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the human experience.

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And you've got to remember.

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No, no, no. Like you're more than

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your thoughts.

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And that was the biggest thing that

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I learned through my

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entire growth experience was

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that I am the Dannielle that's

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before, during and after

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every thought. Like there is a piece

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to me that is infinite, that

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is all allowing that can handle

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whatever. That's always that piece.

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And my chatty little mind

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gets in the way sometimes, and I've

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learned because of what I went

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through, I learned what that

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is. And so now I can set it aside

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and I can go, okay, if I'm feeling

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scared, it's actually probably

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something I should move towards

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because this is where the growth

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is. This is where I'm going to learn

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another lesson.

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And when you have

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this realisation that there's so

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much more, you don't take everything

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so seriously. You don't take

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yourself seriously.

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You look at life like, look, it

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could be gone tomorrow.

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Like there is no way I will ever

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unknow that fact.

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My accident happened out of nowhere.

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I was doing nothing wrong,

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you know? And this guy made a

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decision that completely impacted my

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life.

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That could happen tomorrow.

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But there's just you know, you look

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at life and you go, wow, like, you

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need to appreciate the present

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moment.

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It's... My boyfriend, he used to

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live in in Turkey and looking

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at what's going on there.

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I mean, oh, my gosh, with

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the earthquake there and everything

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that's happening, it's like you

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never know what tomorrow

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holds.

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And so if you can be present in this

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moment, you

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can release the fear around what's

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going to happen in the future,

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because you're just focussed on

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right now and knowing that you're

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connected.

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Yeah, it's it is

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so, so important.

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So, there's lots of different

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approaches to dealing

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with trauma and stress in people's

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lives.

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So before we get on to the next

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question, how do you describe what

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is post-traumatic growth?

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How would you describe that to

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people?

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I would describe post-traumatic

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growth as having gone

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through something that that shifts

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you

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at your core, whatever the trauma is

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for you, it's gonna look different.

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It might be physical

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like it was for me.

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It might be a relationship.

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It might be the loss of a loved one.

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It might be coming back from war,

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natural disaster, something

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that shifts the core of your being

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and moves you into

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a space where you

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now have to look at life

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differently.

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You gain a different perspective.

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You realise the strength you

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have within you develop

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this resiliency

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inside of you.

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You start to appreciate life

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differently.

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That's post-traumatic growth.

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It's moving through it and it's it's

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shifting the experience.

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I call it transmuting it, right?

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Changing it, using it to fuel

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something where a lot of people

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fall into getting

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stuck in the story.

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And that's where PTSD, they bounce

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around in this space.

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And I get it.

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You know, I was there and there are

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therapies. I did EMDR.

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It was incredibly helpful

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to help me release, you know, what

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was continuing to trigger me.

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And, you know, you have to deal

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with the trauma so i'm saying you

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got to move through it.

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And so there's there's a lot of

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people specialised to do that, but a

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lot of people get stuck in that

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space and they're just oscillating

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in a very low energy, a very low

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vibration, and they're constantly

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in this fight, flight, freeze

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response because of what got

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triggered. They haven't realised

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that that actually

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triggered them to try and teach

Speaker:

them. It was meant to be the thing

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that pushed them into realising

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you're capable of more, you can

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handle this and well beyond.

Speaker:

So I think honestly, Catherine,

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when people have a trauma

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in their life and think

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it's beautiful, I'm like, Well, you,

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you've been chosen to go to the next

Speaker:

level now in your life because now

Speaker:

you're having to there's

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no way to avoid it.

Speaker:

Like you have to eventually take

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the test.

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Yeah, I would say trauma

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is the test.

Speaker:

And when you go through it, you come

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out on the other side, you

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pass when you realise, oh,

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it was all within me.

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And then you have this resiliency,

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you have this different perspective,

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you create deeper relationships.

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You know, you look at life with,

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with fresh eyes.

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And that,

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that to me is post-traumatic growth.

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And this is what I want to shine

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light on because people get stuck in

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a story, they get stuck in the

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trauma and they don't realise it was

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happening for their benefit and

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they've got to move through it.

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And I think collectively the

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lot of people that are not sure

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because on the other side it's a

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little confusing what to do and

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where to go, but keep going

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within is what I would say and keep

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asking the questions, What am I

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supposed to learn? You know, what's

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the lesson in this for me?

Speaker:

Now, this was my next question

Speaker:

that you've already partly covered.

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So there's a fine line, isn't it,

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between having

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to move through and accepting that

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you've been through a trauma and you

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need to go through those stages

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of addressing that,

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but keeping yourself there and

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that resonance.

Speaker:

So from what I understand, you

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had said a lot of very good support

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around you from family members

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and things to go through that page.

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Some other people and I'm thinking

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of one of my friends in particular

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went through a major, major physical

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trauma and hasn't got a lot

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of support around them.

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How important is that in terms

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of being able to move through from

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the post-traumatic stress

Speaker:

to the post-traumatic growth stage?

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It's huge because it's very

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isolating and trauma is very

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isolating, I think it's very

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personal. You feel like no

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one knows what I'm going through.

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You feel like you're in this dark

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pit where, like I mean, the analogy

Speaker:

I always... I feel like I was

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dropped in the middle of the woods

Speaker:

by myself and there was nobody

Speaker:

around. And I did have family

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around me, and I was physically

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supported in that way,

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but they didn't get it.

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So it was very difficult because

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I had a lot of people saying they

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felt bad for me and that kind of

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thing, but that actually made it

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worse because I didn't want people

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to pity me, you know,

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it didn't feel good.

Speaker:

And so it's super isolating.

Speaker:

And I want people to realise like

Speaker:

the number of resources are amazing.

Speaker:

Grab a book.

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Okay. There are like the

Speaker:

book that I was given on EMDR

Speaker:

actually helped to start release my

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trauma just reading it.

Speaker:

And then I went to a therapist.

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Now, if you can't afford a

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therapist, that's okay.

Speaker:

Start asking how can I afford it?

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Right? And the answers will come, I

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promise.

Speaker:

But the other thing is there are

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groups like I went to.

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There is a trauma survivor network

Speaker:

near me, and I started

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to go to these groups and I started

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to meet people.

Speaker:

If you can't get out of your house,

Speaker:

there are groups online.

Speaker:

Get onto Facebook.

Speaker:

The number of groups and communities

Speaker:

on Facebook is amazing.

Speaker:

If you start asking, the answers are

Speaker:

going to come and there are

Speaker:

specialists for every single

Speaker:

situation in life.

Speaker:

I ended up with a therapist that was

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just like uniquely able to

Speaker:

really support me and

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I was so grateful.

Speaker:

But you have to find it.

Speaker:

You have to feel comfortable.

Speaker:

Like the biggest thing if you're

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looking for a therapist is you've

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got to resonate with

Speaker:

the individual. If you don't feel

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comfortable with that individual

Speaker:

doesn't matter if they're the best

Speaker:

person in the world is not going to

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work for you.

Speaker:

You have to have a good relationship

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and you'll know.

Speaker:

You'll definitely know.

Speaker:

But don't be afraid to reach out.

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I remember...

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I started to draw after my

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accident because I was trying to

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find things that I could do.

Speaker:

And I remember Catherine drawing

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this like black circle and

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then these colours that were coming

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out around it, and the colours were

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representative of all my family, but

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and my friends that had been there

Speaker:

for me, but I still felt so

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isolated.

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It was like I was in this dark

Speaker:

tunnel and there were people around,

Speaker:

but they couldn't reach me.

Speaker:

And if you've been through trauma,

Speaker:

you probably know what I'm saying

Speaker:

right now. But what I felt also

Speaker:

was that there was something at the

Speaker:

end of the tunnel and that I had

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to keep going forward.

Speaker:

I just was determined to figure out,

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where is this taking me?

Speaker:

What am I going to learn from this?

Speaker:

And I just everyday figured out, how

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could I take one step forward?

Speaker:

And you know, that that forward

Speaker:

momentum eventually

Speaker:

brings you where you need to go.

Speaker:

And how much in your day to day life

Speaker:

now. So I'm quite fascinated

Speaker:

by labels actually,

Speaker:

and how they can be used in a

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positive way and

Speaker:

how sometimes they can be used in a

Speaker:

not so positive way.

Speaker:

So how does this apply to

Speaker:

the trauma recovery?

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And well it's more than...

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Well we're not talking about trauma

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recovery, we're talking about trauma

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growth, about coming out

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as a person that's at

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a higher level of functioning in

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whatever that means to you than you

Speaker:

were before.

Speaker:

Yeah. Catherine that's it.

Speaker:

And that's why I want to shine light

Speaker:

on this, because where you put

Speaker:

your attention, energy flows.

Speaker:

And so if we put our attention on

Speaker:

something like PTSD.

Speaker:

Oh, that poor person.

Speaker:

Oh, my gosh.

Speaker:

Well, they were a victim.

Speaker:

And it is

Speaker:

it is not helpful

Speaker:

to that individual.

Speaker:

And they're going to be stuck in

Speaker:

that pit for a long time.

Speaker:

But if you say, wow, like

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your levelling up like this came

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into your life because you were

Speaker:

ready for the challenge, what are

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you going to learn from this?

Speaker:

What do you think could possibly be

Speaker:

the lesson in this for you?

Speaker:

And if you reframe and if we

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collectively can support people

Speaker:

through that and say, no, the

Speaker:

trauma like like Rumi says,

Speaker:

the wound is where the light gets

Speaker:

in. Yeah, like you have to

Speaker:

go through it because that's

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what's going to open you up to

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all the potential inside of you.

Speaker:

And that's where the lessons

Speaker:

come in. And it's like if we can

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say, look, you're going to grow

Speaker:

through this and you put the focus

Speaker:

on that, it's going to shift that

Speaker:

person's thinking.

Speaker:

It can pull them out of,

Speaker:

you know, feeling like the victim,

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feeling like this happened to me.

Speaker:

And when you shift into, oh,

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it's happening for me,

Speaker:

oh, I'm going to be learning

Speaker:

something here. What in the world

Speaker:

can I possibly be learning?

Speaker:

That's huge.

Speaker:

And I think we need to...

Speaker:

That's a good label, right?

Speaker:

If you're saying, oh, you're going

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through post-traumatic growth, that

Speaker:

is a positive thing.

Speaker:

Yeah. And that's, it's something

Speaker:

called now have you ever heard

Speaker:

of- it's called the Pygmalion

Speaker:

effect.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

Super interesting.

Speaker:

Okay. So the study was done

Speaker:

where they told teachers,

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Oh, we gave these kids a test.

Speaker:

Like these are your - I think

Speaker:

they're called spurters - like,

Speaker:

these are the ones based on the test

Speaker:

that, like they don't look like it,

Speaker:

but they're going to be great.

Speaker:

They're going to grow so much this

Speaker:

year.

Speaker:

And they told the teacher this, gave

Speaker:

them the names.

Speaker:

At the end of the year, those kids

Speaker:

had spurted.

Speaker:

That was the term.

Speaker:

And then they told the teacher there

Speaker:

was nothing different, nothing

Speaker:

different about those kids on that

Speaker:

test versus the other kids.

Speaker:

But the reason they grew was

Speaker:

because the teacher had this

Speaker:

expectation.

Speaker:

Well, you've got it inside of you.

Speaker:

We've got to pull it out of you.

Speaker:

And so they rose to that.

Speaker:

Imagine if you apply that

Speaker:

here to just someone that's been

Speaker:

through trauma and you say you're

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going to grow through this like

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you're the chosen one.

Speaker:

This is going to be amazing.

Speaker:

Of course, you've got the

Speaker:

resiliency. You can handle this.

Speaker:

That's a very different story

Speaker:

that's then going to unfold from

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there.

Speaker:

It's so true.

Speaker:

I mean, I do a lot of work with

Speaker:

animals that have been through a lot

Speaker:

of trauma, either physical or

Speaker:

emotional.

Speaker:

One of the biggest challenges for

Speaker:

the humans in their life

Speaker:

is how not to label them as such.

Speaker:

So it's quite a challenge because,

Speaker:

say, for example, if

Speaker:

you've got a dog that has got,

Speaker:

you know, fear responses that might

Speaker:

come out in aggression.

Speaker:

You want to warn other people

Speaker:

to react to them

Speaker:

without keeping the dog stuck

Speaker:

there because labels can become a

Speaker:

very self-fulfilling prophecy.

Speaker:

So I'm constantly looking

Speaker:

at how us humans can work

Speaker:

to put a positive

Speaker:

label on it so

Speaker:

that we can make everyone safe

Speaker:

in the situation without bringing

Speaker:

the animal back down to that

Speaker:

vibration, which isn't going to

Speaker:

serve keeping it there.

Speaker:

So on that note, then, talk to me

Speaker:

about how when

Speaker:

someone like you, you've been

Speaker:

through a huge, huge experience

Speaker:

of post-traumatic growth.

Speaker:

What about for loved

Speaker:

ones who might not have directly

Speaker:

suffered the trauma

Speaker:

but are obviously suffering their

Speaker:

own form of trauma?

Speaker:

You know, I'm a mother.

Speaker:

You know, if my daughter went

Speaker:

through something like you have, I

Speaker:

would find that incredibly

Speaker:

traumatic.

Speaker:

You know, I think this is huge.

Speaker:

Caregivers like

Speaker:

their there needs to be a space

Speaker:

for caregivers or for people

Speaker:

that you know, are the parents of

Speaker:

people going through things like,

Speaker:

and there are support groups for

Speaker:

that. It is amazing

Speaker:

the when you when you start to raise

Speaker:

your hand and you say, well, I'm

Speaker:

going through this and I need help,

Speaker:

someone else is going to say, well,

Speaker:

wait a second, you know, I've been

Speaker:

through that, too.

Speaker:

And and you start to talk and

Speaker:

you resonate.

Speaker:

And it is like this beautiful

Speaker:

collective support.

Speaker:

You know, we're here to help one

Speaker:

another. And I think as human

Speaker:

beings, for some reason, we

Speaker:

have started to isolate ourselves.

Speaker:

We need community.

Speaker:

You need that supportive structure

Speaker:

around you. And so what I would say

Speaker:

is reach out, you

Speaker:

know, if it's a family member that's

Speaker:

going through a hard time, your

Speaker:

family might not be the support

Speaker:

network this time.

Speaker:

You might have to go outside of the

Speaker:

family to get the support you need

Speaker:

to then bring it into your family.

Speaker:

Yeah. And then like

Speaker:

Google about it or just like-

Speaker:

there's so many books now, there's

Speaker:

so many podcasts, there's so many

Speaker:

amazing people on YouTube.

Speaker:

There's examples that you can

Speaker:

pull from and learn from and

Speaker:

go because like as you read a book,

Speaker:

it's like so much can come through

Speaker:

because you're going to get the

Speaker:

message you need right now

Speaker:

for the situation that you're in.

Speaker:

And so I would say

Speaker:

to whomever that is like, again,

Speaker:

you're not alone and

Speaker:

it's okay to ask for help.

Speaker:

I think sometimes we like,

Speaker:

forget that we can ask for help.

Speaker:

At least that's an issue I've had in

Speaker:

my life before, I think.

Speaker:

No, I got to figure this out on my

Speaker:

own. Like, no, sometimes

Speaker:

you need support and it's okay.

Speaker:

And people love to help.

Speaker:

Like, how many of us love to help

Speaker:

somebody? Like, it makes us feel so

Speaker:

good.

Speaker:

And for some reason though, we don't

Speaker:

realise like, oh, through

Speaker:

asking, I'm going to actually help

Speaker:

somebody else feel really good

Speaker:

because they're going to be able to

Speaker:

help. Like we forget

Speaker:

that. It's kind of funny.

Speaker:

It's so important, isn't it?

Speaker:

And I think with what everyone's

Speaker:

been through, you know, on,

Speaker:

on whatever level that might be for

Speaker:

them as individuals and their

Speaker:

families or loved ones

Speaker:

that asking, it's really important

Speaker:

because I see a lot of frustration

Speaker:

coming out, particularly in the

Speaker:

online community,

Speaker:

where actually that simple

Speaker:

shifting and reframing the question

Speaker:

about, oh, okay,

Speaker:

that's interesting, where

Speaker:

do I need help?

Speaker:

What can I do about it can just

Speaker:

change, can be a complete life

Speaker:

changer for people.

Speaker:

Oh, it totally can.

Speaker:

I, I wrote an e-book

Speaker:

kind of about this experience.

Speaker:

And one of the things I talk about

Speaker:

in it is that

Speaker:

we have to realise that

Speaker:

life is unfolding for us.

Speaker:

Every situation, every

Speaker:

person we come in contact with.

Speaker:

And the way I view it, I had a

Speaker:

mentor tell me one of my spiritual

Speaker:

teachers tell me she's the analogy

Speaker:

of like, it's like people are

Speaker:

wearing sunglasses and

Speaker:

so they've got these sunglasses on

Speaker:

that are not allowing them to see

Speaker:

the situation for what it is.

Speaker:

But the situation has occurred

Speaker:

because it's trying to trigger the

Speaker:

person to realise now you've got

Speaker:

these sunglasses that are making you

Speaker:

feel not heard or making

Speaker:

you feel like you're going to be

Speaker:

abandoned or making you feel like

Speaker:

you're not worth it or you're not

Speaker:

good enough. And if you just

Speaker:

realise that what's happening

Speaker:

is for your benefit, to make you

Speaker:

reflect, to make you go inside

Speaker:

and go, Wait, what's going on here?

Speaker:

So you can take the sunglasses off

Speaker:

and you can release some of these

Speaker:

limiting beliefs.

Speaker:

You can learn the lessons that life

Speaker:

is trying to teach you and why your

Speaker:

soul is here, you know, on

Speaker:

this journey of self-discovery.

Speaker:

But if you don't embrace the

Speaker:

challenge and see that that's why

Speaker:

it's unfolding, like you'll miss it,

Speaker:

or you'll just complain to everybody

Speaker:

around you about, oh my gosh, you

Speaker:

know, my child's going through this

Speaker:

and that, it's terrible and woe is

Speaker:

me. And like, no one wants to be

Speaker:

around that energy.

Speaker:

After a little while, like, you get

Speaker:

some sympathy, you know, initially.

Speaker:

But then it's like, oh my gosh,

Speaker:

like, get out of the story, learn

Speaker:

from it, grow from it.

Speaker:

You know, you got to figure out what

Speaker:

you're holding on to here.

Speaker:

And I think it's a that

Speaker:

analogy for me was like,

Speaker:

oh, like it's just it's so helpful.

Speaker:

And again, it like it adds this

Speaker:

level of not taking

Speaker:

life so seriously.

Speaker:

When I just look at things going

Speaker:

like, wait a second, like what

Speaker:

sunglasses am I wearing?

Speaker:

Why am I getting so upset here?

Speaker:

Like, let me take them off, You know

Speaker:

what's going on?

Speaker:

It just it makes life a little bit

Speaker:

easier to kind of move through and

Speaker:

almost more like a game.

Speaker:

Yeah, I love it.

Speaker:

You know, I.

Speaker:

I use it a lot about, you know, have

Speaker:

I just picked up a heavy rucksack

Speaker:

again, you know, full of bricks.

Speaker:

Why don't I put it down in this

Speaker:

life, I'm not a tortoise and I'm not

Speaker:

a snail. I don't have to carry it

Speaker:

with me.

Speaker:

And I think this is really

Speaker:

important. And having conversations

Speaker:

like this is...

Speaker:

You know, no one else can do it for

Speaker:

you, can you? You've got to reach

Speaker:

out. Whether you're recovering from

Speaker:

an addiction, whatever the

Speaker:

situation is, you have to take

Speaker:

that step and reach out.

Speaker:

Oh, it's so true.

Speaker:

And and that's again,

Speaker:

it's because you're supposed to grow

Speaker:

like you have to take the test.

Speaker:

And only you can take the test.

Speaker:

Like you're the one that has to go

Speaker:

through it and come out on the other

Speaker:

side. And

Speaker:

then you'll realise how many other

Speaker:

people have been through it and you

Speaker:

can like, you know, share stories

Speaker:

and swap stories about, wow.

Speaker:

Like I went through that and this

Speaker:

and I thought, oh my gosh, you had a

Speaker:

similar thing it's amazing.

Speaker:

And I'm laughing, Catherine, because

Speaker:

what you just said about the

Speaker:

tortoise and carrying stuff, I have

Speaker:

a really good friend.

Speaker:

His name is Bob Simon.

Speaker:

He's an incredible musician.

Speaker:

I think he's just now about to

Speaker:

release his 10th album and he

Speaker:

he just intuits down lyrics

Speaker:

and they are so

Speaker:

deep and so impactful.

Speaker:

And he has this one song

Speaker:

and one of the lines in it says...

Speaker:

Let me think about it real quick.

Speaker:

It was "these mountains

Speaker:

that you carry on your back

Speaker:

you were only supposed to climb".

Speaker:

And it's this beautiful song about

Speaker:

exactly what you said.

Speaker:

Like, we just we take these burdens

Speaker:

and we carry them and they make us,

Speaker:

like, feel just stressed

Speaker:

out and overwhelmed when the reality

Speaker:

was, no, you were just supposed to,

Speaker:

like, climb the mountain to realise

Speaker:

you could and to get

Speaker:

stronger as you go up it, not

Speaker:

to bring the baggage with you,

Speaker:

like, leave that behind.

Speaker:

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker:

So in terms of

Speaker:

if someone's feeling that they've

Speaker:

been through trauma or loved one,

Speaker:

let's just recap some of the main

Speaker:

advice that you would like to give

Speaker:

them about what next?

Speaker:

So I would begin

Speaker:

that Pygmalion effect.

Speaker:

I would help the person.

Speaker:

Handle whatever emotions.

Speaker:

If you need a professional or you

Speaker:

need to, you know, integrate some

Speaker:

self-care or meditation.

Speaker:

Figure out what's going to be

Speaker:

supportive, get through the

Speaker:

emotional stuff, but continue

Speaker:

to help reframe it for the person

Speaker:

and continue to shine the light on.

Speaker:

Wow. Like you're going to go through

Speaker:

some beautiful growth here.

Speaker:

Like, there's something beautiful

Speaker:

that's coming out of out of this.

Speaker:

You know, there's going to be a

Speaker:

phoenix rising from the ashes here.

Speaker:

And, you know, doors are closing,

Speaker:

but another one's opening.

Speaker:

I wonder where it's going to take

Speaker:

you. And allowing

Speaker:

the the focus to be on

Speaker:

that, not, oh, I feel so

Speaker:

bad for you.

Speaker:

And yeah, it's not fair and you

Speaker:

didn't deserve that.

Speaker:

Like, that's not productive.

Speaker:

It's not going to get anybody

Speaker:

anywhere.

Speaker:

There's a beautiful...

Speaker:

It's a Japanese tradition.

Speaker:

I might mess up how they pronounce

Speaker:

it, but it's called Kintsugi.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

And it's so

Speaker:

when pottery breaks,

Speaker:

they, they repair it with gold.

Speaker:

And it's like that to

Speaker:

me is like that's, that's

Speaker:

post-traumatic growth.

Speaker:

But that is.

Speaker:

Wow, Yes, we break

Speaker:

but we come back stronger,

Speaker:

more beautiful, better for it.

Speaker:

All right. And you have this

Speaker:

this beauty that you would not have

Speaker:

been able to have unless

Speaker:

you had broken, you know, the

Speaker:

wounds were the like it's in.

Speaker:

Right. It's just I think

Speaker:

if you can help

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whomever see that.

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You're going to be supporting them

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in a major way and not

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kind of getting down into the pit

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with them and going, Oh, I feel so

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bad for you because now you're both

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down in the pit.

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You stand on the outside and say,

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Wow, like it's going to be beautiful

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when you come through this.

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Like, keep climbing up like I see

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the sun. You're going to see the sun

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soon, too.

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It's going to be more helpful when

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if it's you that's going through it.

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Listen to this again and again.

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Ask yourself, reflect what you can

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learn. Seek out the support that you

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need. You know, you're not alone.

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I know it feels lonely, but you're

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definitely not alone.

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Yeah, I think that's so important.

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But because by by encouraging

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people to see the growth, you're not

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just diminishing the fact that they

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are really going through something.

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You're just not keeping them in that

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place of, you know, you're

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acknowledging it but not suppressing

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them down there.

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So, so important.

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And this applies to, you know,

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people that have got animals in

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their lives that have been through

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trauma as well.

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I absolutely love it so many

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questions as well.

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So perhaps we could do a part two on

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this.

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I really encourage anyone who's

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listening to this, please ask your

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questions below, because both

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Danielle and I will be keeping an

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eye on those.

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But Danielle, so how can people

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find you?

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Tell us about your website, how they

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can connect with you.

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Absolutely.

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Easiest way is on Instagram.

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It's just my name. Danielle Mathews

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we'll put the link below.

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There's an underscore on either

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side. But I'm always sharing there.

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Tips, strategies daily

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to help with this sort of thing, to

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help people grow and keep the light,

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the light shining on that.

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And if you're interested in

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the e-book I mentioned or connecting

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in, I've got meditations, other

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things, the link in my Instagram bio

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will take you there, or my website

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is BrainBodySelf.com

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and everything I put out

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guys, the intention is just that it

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reaches those that need it

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to help you on the path.

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Because I walked it and I wish

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I had had somebody sooner tell me

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about the growth piece of what I was

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going through. I wouldn't have felt

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so alone and out in the woods.

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But I know that through the struggle

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you become stronger and if you don't

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suffer, you'll never have the

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self-discovery.

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So I'd love to

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love to connect with you.

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And if you need anything, just reach

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out. I'd be happy to answer

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questions or support in whatever way

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I can.

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I absolutely love it.

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Thank you so, so much.

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I'm sure we'll be back for a part

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two. Let us know your questions

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and comments and shared experiences.

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What has helped you below?

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That's really important to share

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because you never know, that one

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person that just might need what you

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share might just be looking.

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Live - Love - Learn with Catherine Edwards
Live - Love - Learn with Catherine Edwards
Your one-stop Wellness Centre. Expanding consciousness through curiosity, bringing you information on physical, mental, spiritual health & quantum tools for humans & animals. A conduit empowering each of us to be our own life creators.

About your host

Profile picture for Catherine Edwards

Catherine Edwards

Catherine Edwards BSc(Hons) Biology, MBA is the founder of The Live-Love-Learn Podcast, The Catherine Edwards Academy and CatherineEdwards.life. She also works as a private Therapist offering a range of services for animals and humans, both in person and remotely anywhere in the world, seeking to improve their overall health and vitality. Her unique combination of holistic natural therapies provides each customer, of whatever species, with a wealth of information to understand the root cause of any imbalances, addressing the physical, emotional, spiritual and behavioural, and providing lasting solutions to regain balance. Catherine is passionate about expanding consciousness and sharing information, and is known for balancing science, philosophy and practical implementation.